I need to stop coming to work sober
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
