She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
