im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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