You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
