I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
