I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
