If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
