dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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