im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
