No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.