Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
