Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!