hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i think i just lost a toe