I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
