Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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