His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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