Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
