The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
