Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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