Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I looked at my own cervix.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
