btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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