I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We left the knife in your bed.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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