forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
