Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize