WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
