I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
