he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
