You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
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