We named our party play list daddy issues
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
