I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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