smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
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Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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