I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
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I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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