burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
