A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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