is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
