Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Holy shit dude........stairs
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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