He asked to "fluff my boner.."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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