i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
