my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
