I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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