Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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