I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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