if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
