found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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