help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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