i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so that wasnt chicken after all
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
