Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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