he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
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I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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