O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
