I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
