So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
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I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
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Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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