She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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