I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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