I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
