Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
