My pussy is not your playground.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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