Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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