i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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