I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
