I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
