Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
