it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
