I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
