wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
