dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
