dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
