She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
